Ugh

I am really tired. I have so much going on. Work School more work.... and i keep having this really bad memory pop up in my head. its bad enough that it makes me feel sick whenever i think of it. I want it to go away, but i cant forget it. it comes unbidden from the recesses of my subconcious.
That and i really pissed off ashley. I dont think it was such a big deal, but shes freaking out about sides and how i need to take responsibility. I hope shes okay, but I think she is. She never really needed me, cause from the look of her journal, shes fine with just Lissa and Jeni, who all probably hate me now if they didnt before. This is really frustrating. When other people screw up like this, it gets over and done with easy as an eye blink. But I screw up, and suddenly its a big goddamn fight and people get all insulted. Well Im human, not a god and I make bloody stupid fucking mistakes and im sick and tired of people acting like I shouldnt be making those mistakes. I dont get any leeway. no one asks me why I said the things I did, or if Im okay. they just assume im being an asshole and walk away. no one cares about the motivation anymore. Why i do something doesnt matter and everyone seems to be on a higher moral ground than i am.
Well everyone fucks up, but im the only one who gets ostrasized for it.
Fuck it.
I dont need this shit.
maybe they will realize that i can make an honest goddamn mistake and maybe not.
their loss if they cant.