(no subject)

something odd just happened.

im at the store, and there was a bunch of hasidic jews and rabbis dancing down the street and singing very loudly. they stayed outside of the store for a while, then brought the danicng and singing inside the store, along with their torah. they came up to us, said something in hebrew and then danced out. I have no idea why they might be doing this, but there was something new. It made me really uncomfortable. I was embarrased that they were making such a public display, dancing around with the torah and singing in hebrew. I was very uncomfortable with the singing in hebrew and the dancing and the torah, i was uncomfortable because I didnt know why they were doing it, and im ashamed that i dont know why. its something that is a part of my identity, in some small way. and its a part that i largely ignore. Yet i feel very awkward, like I should know these things because its my heritage, even if i dont believe in them specifically, or have any interest in practicing. i feel ashamed that im embarrased about that part of myself. It hurts and i dont know why...

and in other news, i generally feel like shit because i went to a party and drank most of a bottle of tequila by myself.