ugh

I cant get a bank account
im tired
i live with stupid disrespectful snot nosed mother fuckers
and my house smells like cat pee
my emotions are all fucked up

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIGH!!!

there.
I feel better.
I am gonna kill kyle. I warned him that if the gas bill didnt go in on time, then we would be taken off the payment plan. he ignored me, and now instead of paying $85 a month, we are up to $283 a month, and he has the goddamn nerve to claim that our electric bill which was also a payment plan went from $50 a month to $65 a month because we use too much electricity. WE ARE ON A PAYMENT PLAN YOU RETARDED ASSHOLE!!! That means that we cant be charged extra for our usage increase. If the payment plan went up thats because they have to cover extra charges city wide! its to cover people who dont pay on time! like us! its not that I like to have the lights on when Im watching a movie, its because you are too goddamn lazy to get the bill mailed on time! Ashley darling, you know this pains me to say it, but you were right not to move with us. this place blows! as does kyle. I can live with shane, but i am sick to death of the shit this kid pulls. I give him $5 to get cat food, this would get a 15lb bag at savealot. istead, he spends $8 on a 5lb bag at CVS because he has employee discount there. just cause its discounted does not mean its the better buy! we have 7 cats to feed! we need to get as much catfood as cheaply as possible!


fuck em
bree and Kc and I will find our own place
fuck em

poop

I hate this feeling...whatever it is. its a mix of despair and joy, and its making me nauseous. I'm confused. I know what I want, but I also know that getting what you want is usually the worst thing you could do. I have resigned to be happy with what I have because I know if I push for what I want, I could ruin some of the best things that have ever happened to me. What you want isn't always what you need. But then my gut tells me differently, and I have been told and berated from numerous sources to trust my gut, yet the last time I did, it didn't have the effect that I expected, but just the opposite. I am pretty sure that my gut feeling is correct, but the others included in the same situation dont seem to agree. in fact, they seem to be going out of their way to prove me wrong, and putting too much effort into it. I dont want to be my mother you know "my way or the highway" but it feels like at least in this situation, it may just be true.
I dont want it to be true.
I dont want to be right all the time
thats not true
I do.
thats why I dont trust my gut sometimes
because it says things that I dont want to be true.
I want to be right, but I dont want to be a raging bitch about it. I want people to see it for themselves

Christ!
this is so fucking egotistical
will someone please put me in my place
remind me that Im not perfect, that I cant possibly know it all. I can want to know it all but its not the same thing.

but how egotistical is it to expect people to actually read their utility bills and follow the directions?
Why is it that people just cant do this for themselves?


going off subject a bit, but I just want to thank you kamber, because you are the only friend I have that doesnt ask me for the solutions to your problems. In fact, you zing me on my shit, which is something that none of my other friends have even tried to do. well not entirely, but you are the only one who has actually managed it. Thanks. I need that.

to the rest of my friends, Im glad that you think im so wise, but really, i have the same stupid shit that you do. some of you know this, but alot of you dont. I am a fallible human being and this "wisdom" you are addicted to is nothing more than common sense! you could have it too if you tried! I'm not special, or important, or better than you in any way. Im just me, and you are just you. why cant we just allow ourselves to be what we are, instead of reaching for things we know we are not and torturing ourselves with how we will never be? Lets just know ourselves first.

now that my egos deflated, im gonna do some clean up and go home.
ugh...home

geek attack!

im gonna be geeky and save these song lyrics here
FROU FROU LYRICS

"Let Go"

Drink up baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

[Chorus]
So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, l-let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a slideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply

[Chorus]
So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

[background sounds]

[Chorus]
So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

In the breakdown
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
The breakdown

So amazing here
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
( Read more... )