(no subject)

I just realized how much what happened has affected my ability to cope with everyday life. I got back a paper for one of my classes and it had an F on it. I was one of the highest scoring students in my school last year, and now I can barely keep my mind on the stuff i love to do. I really havent got my crap together, and im more shaken than i thought i was.


so now not only am i mourning and all the other crap that comes along with trying to deal with the death of a friend, but my attention span and inspiration to acheive is shot as well.

crap.

now I have to go to a conference with my teacher who flunked the paper, and try to explain to her what is gong on with me. I have a part of me that wants to put KC's suicide right out there on the table and just let it out. And I have another part of me that might break down if i do. I wonder if i just want to make her feel bad for me. is wanting pity a bad thing?

(no subject)

Indecision Maybe

almost fingering the sleeve of your t-shirt on my floor
almost picking up your toothpaste from the edge of my sink
you've got a grip would strangle morning glory
but i don't think i want you to let go

it would almost be easy if this were more tragic
if our phonecalls didn't tend to be so pornographic
but you know i love to trace the outline of our story

there's a beginning & a middle & a kind of intermission
a beginning & a middle, you disappear like a magician
beginning, middle, all over again & there's a friend
a very dear friend

my favorite space is dark & brooding
you walz in the place and turn me right on
so i reach for the light and i'm blooming, blooming
but my roots don't have a chance to stick
cuz even when you're here, you're gone
gone

i'm falling in & falling out, falling up, & crashing down
this is not a cycle, it's all at once
an almost drawn-and-quarter pull
but not so much to rip me up
so i just hang suspended, flushed
but indecision maybe is almost just like bliss
so tell me something, baby, are you falling for this?

almost fingering the sleeve of your t-shirt on my floor
almost picking up your toothpaste from the edge of my sink

Copyright Arjuna Greist 2001