open letter to my mother

Dear mom,

I appreciate that you gave birth to me and tolerated my existence until I moved out of your immediate space. Sure we've had our rough spots in the past, what with HBC making you psycho, throwing furniture and whatnot, and me...getting hit by flying furniture O.o

But it's in the past, what’s past is past, insert more platitudes here. We have actually been on decent ground lately; we haven't even really fought for a few months. So why did you find it necessary to call me, while I’m at work, and start screaming at me about the fact that I didn’t leave the newspaper that you said you didn’t want at the house yesterday? You said you wanted the weekend section. I looked through the paper on my way out and did not find the weekend section, so I took the paper with me. It didn’t have the section you wanted, and no amount of screaming at me changes the fact that if I had left the paper there, you still wouldn’t have your movie listings.

When I mentioned the Internet or even *gasp* calling the theatres for their movie times, you made some bullshit neurotic excuse to keep screaming. When I mentioned that entropyinjersey was probably still at the house and could drop the paper off for you, you ranted about not wanting to involve someone else in something that was about "us." So now it has gone from a mistake on my part to a personality issue. I know, I know, I’m evil. I know that I plan ways to ruin your life and make you miserable. I just had no idea it was that easy.

My favorite part was the part where you couldn’t upset me with attacking me about this because I smelled bullshit the second you started snapping, so you tried to find ways to twist it around to get me to engage in your shitfit so you could justify your behavior to yourself by blaming me. For the record, no I don’t feel "ripped off" because I bought a paper without the weekend section, and yes I actually do know better than you how to find movie times because, as you may recall, I worked in movies theatres, including a local one, for about five years. Also, the state of my marriage has nothing to do with why I took that paper. My marriage is actually going quite well, so fuck you very much :) And finally, acting as though I am incompetent is cute, but again, not going to ruffle me. I brought you the paper that you asked for. It did not have the section you wanted, which you did not tell me is why you wanted the paper in the first place. If by "incompetent" you mean "not bloody psychic" then you are quite right :)

Finally, I’m sorry that I hung up on you, but as previously stated, I was at work and could not engage in a screaming match. Not when I’m a sales person for whom appearances make the sales, and not when you are just spouting pointless bullshit. Seriously mom, I have grown up, I don’t react the way I used to because I’m not twelve anymore. I would recommend that you try a little of that yourself. Either grow up, or talk about what bothers you for real instead of exploding over something small after you have worked yourself into a frenzy. I'll accept either one.

I love you and I hope that you feel better from this cold soon cause the reemergence of CPB (crazy psycho bitch) is unsettling and annoying

Love,
Your oldest daughter who can actually see through your crap (as can your other adult child, just so you know)

I havent done this in a while...

...and i have been avoiding it lately during this campaign because blogs all over the place have been screaming about these things for months. however, i have found that i miss it. there was also the inspiration of a particularly...unpleasant to me conversation that i had with one of my family members about the democratic presidential primary.

my dear aunt and i were discussing this historic moment where the choices were a man of color and a woman both hoping to run for president. both are historic, both are amazing and both make me so very excited to be able to participate in this election. What i have found disappointing in the extreme was how instead of rising above all of the incredible pain of this country's history (thank you Ani!) this entire discussion has devolved into the Oppression Olympics. Instead of examining their platforms and promises and honestly evaluating which candidate we would prefer based on their qualifications and acheivements, the vast majority of debates have been arguing over which is worse: sexism or racism.

I mainly stayed out of it until i talked with the aforementioned aunt, because i find them both to be reprehensible and that comparing them is pointless. they have different contexts, and have effected everyone differently. I have also avoided these discussions because they tend to exclude women of color completely, or they are called traitors if they vote for either because no matter what they are voting "against" one of their identities. bell hooks made a point once, in the context of critiquing 2nd wave feminism, that it was foolish to expect a person to choose between identities, that the identity politics of feminist movement had been that women=good and men=evil and had been entirely dictated by the experience of middle class white women. this does not make the perspectives of those middle class women invalid, only limited. it meant that movements and decisions and plans of action did not account for the intersectionality of being both a woman and/or a person of color and/or poor/working class and how these intersections will effect what actions actually have an impact on the status quo.

anyway, im rambling. back to the conversation with my aunt. she got very upset when i told her that i supported obama (despite the fact that clinton won my state's primary, but then again, obama ended up with more delegates.) She went on to say that she has always, because of her experiences with extreme sexism, voted for any woman on the ballot regardless of party affiliation or platform. her rationale is that since women have been so attrotiously foirced into a position of second class in this country, that its "our turn" and that a woman in office represents gains and opportunities for all women. she said she had always supported "the brown man"(direct quote) but that it was women's turn first. Please remeber, this aunt is one of the most accepting people i know, and the most liberal. this is why i was so shocked not only at this blatant (to me) racial polemic coming from her but with how she was completely oblivious to the racism of it.

this thought train and these discussions are the reason that i have this article and will proceed to tear it apart via commentary :) the article is in italics, my comments are in bold.

Clinton's female fans wonder what if — and when
( cut because this entry is long enough already )

I guess at the end of it all the only thing that i may actually be satisfied with is a woman of color running for president, with a male-identified queer person as VP. that would be friggen awesome :)