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bluestareyed Dec. 2nd, 2007 10:52 am)
bluestareyed Dec. 2nd, 2007 10:52 am)I am having a fat day. its been so long since i had one that i had forgotten how bad they could be. I feel like a huge fucking whale, and want nothing more than to actually cut all of the offensive parts off of my body. it does not help that either i have gained a ton of weight since i have been here (which according to the scale i have been using, thats not the case, only about 4 maybe 5 pounds) or i have managed to shrink all of my clothes, which considering the incomprehensibility of my clothes washer, is not that much of a stretch to believe. However, my subconcious refuses to listen. im on the verge of tears, i actually had to walk out of class before i started to freak.
Intellectually i know that im actually in better shape than i have been in years. I stopped slmoking, i havent been eating junk food, and i have been walking, hiking, doing crunches, and dancing. this has not stopped my stomach from staying flabby, and my tits from expanding.
What scares me here is how close i am to a freak out. that person that i was that would not eat for almost a whole week and spent a month doing nothing but throwing up is just below the surface. I have to restrain myself right now from just beating physically on my stomach because i hate it so much.
its not the wieght that im really worried about at this point. its the reaction i have to it. that scares me
Intellectually i know that im actually in better shape than i have been in years. I stopped slmoking, i havent been eating junk food, and i have been walking, hiking, doing crunches, and dancing. this has not stopped my stomach from staying flabby, and my tits from expanding.
What scares me here is how close i am to a freak out. that person that i was that would not eat for almost a whole week and spent a month doing nothing but throwing up is just below the surface. I have to restrain myself right now from just beating physically on my stomach because i hate it so much.
its not the wieght that im really worried about at this point. its the reaction i have to it. that scares me
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I know this doesn't help much (I've been in that place, where no matter how many people reassure you, you never believe them), but I think you're positively beautiful. If I could do anything to help I would, but again, I know I can't (unless I can...in which case, tell me!!!).
Anyway I'm blabbing...but the bottom line is I love you. I hope you feel better.
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not the clinging! : )
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Re: not the clinging! : )
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Re: not the clinging! : )
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PS: Start packing!!!
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As has been said before, *you are beautiful*. (I don't go after ((and fail at getting)) ugly women, you know.) You truly are, and I can name quite a few men who think so, and many women who also think so.
Just keep yourself calm and you'll be okay. The moment will pass and you'll remember that you're in terrific shape and you're gorgeous and you have a handsome husband waiting for you to get back and wonderful friends who love you who are also waiting for you to get back.
We love you, and we're always here for you.
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Your weight is likely not even the issue here. It's stress and probably some anxiety looking for a place to ground out and your weight makes a wonderfully predictable and faithful lightning rod for that sort of thing.
You look fine, but I am sure that deep down you know this. Just try to relax and let it slide. You will be back soon.
If you still keep expanding.. well yay to that too dammit. :) See ya soonly.
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